5.04.2005

Rock meet Hardplace, Hardplace this is Rock

There are deep rumblings in my life right now.

The ground shaking kind of rumblings that almost require you to reconsider a lot of the things that you've held as foundational and real. Truthfully, I've been here before, by now it's pretty familiar, but unfortunately, my foreknowledge of this sort of discombobulation does not make the dealing with it any easier.




I'm not in a place right now where I am ready to impress on you the details and worries of my present-day-life and the rumblings that are troubling me but I'd like to ask that you read the post that I wrote called "You've got to do something or else" which will give you a general knowledge of why I say that I've been here before.
For now, I can tell you what the rumblings are not, cool?
- Not, my married life...Linds and I are grand.
- Not, my faith...hard quesitons abound but that's par for the course.
- Not, my workaday-joe-job...I don't like it; but it's survivable.
- Not, my friendships...well, not all of the my friendships anyhow.
- Not, my health...the ticker is ticking just fine, cholesterol is a little high though...hmmm.
- Not, my incredible good looks...Brad Pitt who?
So, I'm not being very forthcoming, deal.
I will tell you all eventually what the problem is and how I dealt with it, but I won't be able to say anything specific until the sh*tstorm has passed...for the time being I need to bite my tongue...ouch.
In the meantime, I'd loooove to know that I'm not all alone in this crapbox shakespearean drama-fest...Anybody got any juicy stories they can share that'll take my mind off of how much it sucks to be me right now?

5 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ben you can't just do that...whats going on?? Now I really want to know...-Vanessa

3:28 PM  
Blogger lee said...

don't know if this'll be any consolation, but, it's all i've got at the moment...

i had to cancel bible study for my peeps last nite, 'cause i was summoned to a board meeting concerning the latest w/my son's t-ball team that i help coach...

a few weeks ago, during a game, i was coaching 1st base & helping a kid (who didn't want it) back to the dugout after getting out...

he fell once & i picked him & he tried to throw himself on the ground again, but i stopped him by grabbing his hand...

he still refused to walk, so i'm left holding the hand of a 4-year-old who insists on twisting & twirling away from me as i try to get him off the field...

finally, leaning as far away from me as he can, he slips from my hand & falls about 8-10 inches to the turf...

no big deal i think at 1st...

kid got what he deserved...

maybe, but don't i feel like the biggest turd in the world to find out later that nite that his collar bone is broken...

fast forward to last nite, where i have to sit & listen to the lies of his mother who claims that i don't care about her son & unintentionally/ignorantly broke her son's collar bone & her spirit...

i wish my collar bone had been snapped instead...

she slaughtered me last nite...

on top of this, my pregnant wife cries continually because of our ongoing estranged relationship w/our current church...

i tell her & she agrees & knows that it's time for us to go, but it still hurts & i'm sure it'll 'cause more pain to come...

even within' all this, i've never been happier & more liberated...

i feel like i'm watching a movie most of the time, where a very convincing actor is playing my part...

i say this, 'cause for the 1st time ever i know...

this is real, not easy, but real...

i've been impowered to speak, act & believe the very things in my heart now...

i no longer feel free to make assumptions on matters or people that lead to ignorant ideals & false relationships...

if i want to know what matters to an unbeliever or an unchurched person...whither it be that i treat them w/love & compassion or if i should abstain from liquor & language...i, get this, ASK THEM!

who'd a thunk it?

i've never felt more liberated in my life...

hopefully i've wasted my last sleepless nite on wondering if i'm a queer-lovin' liberal w/a matching theology that's destined for hell...

hang in there bro...

if you're ever up for a road trip east to the fla (& the other santa rosa), the drinks are on me...

8:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well buddy, I've met rock AND hardplace,(we go way back)and all that I can say is that I don't know how, but you'll figure it out and thinks WILL work out. If you have some difficult decisions to make, if your honest and true to yourself and to all of those involved(if anyone else IS involved) just know that your conscience is clean and that you did the best you could! Many times in the past when I've prayed and prayed and prayed about answers to a situation, God has pretty much said, well, nothing to be exact! I used to beg and plead to God to give me an answer, or just to even say anything, but all I got was silence. In most cases, what I think God was trying to teach me is to persevere through things and WAIT!!! I HATE waiting!!!! I am sooo impatient! Especially when I'm under fire and it seems like all sides are caving in. I would get so mad and say things like, "So, Um yeah, God, where were ya on that one"? Good thing He is forgiving and knows our human condition!!! Well, maybe my shpeal won't help but on a side not I did run across some old pics of me with your whole donaghy clan
when I was dating your bro' and can I just say, wow!! We were all a fine bunch of dorks!!!! I made a horrible quaker, however. It's okay, I tried to be humble and simple, but, well, that's just not ME!!LOL!!!!!!!!! Here's a few other blast from the past memories for ya - RATS NEST LOOKING HAIR EXTENSIONS, GETTING ALL 10 PEOPLE IN MY OLE' AUDI AND GETTING IT TO ROCK BACK AND FORTH WHILE DRIVING ON THE FREEWAY, ROLLERBLADING AT MIDNIGHT IN DOWNTOWN SR AND GETTING CHASED OUT OF PARKING GARAGES BY PUNY SECURITY GUARDS, PLAYING WITH OUR WAY COOL BAND,(I LIKED IT WHEN I WAS THE ONLY CHICK IN THE BAND, THOUGH) AND HANGING OUT WITH A CRAZY MAN AKA BRIAN CROSS P.S. Thanks for the Brian Cross/ Nikki Sixx reminder! I hope the memories cheered you up! - Nikki

12:03 PM  
Blogger Kerry said...

Wow. Well, I can't compete with some of these stories, but did I ever tell you the story about when I was in Chicago and I had a bum contact lens and my wallet was stolen on the way to get a replacement and then there was a rat in the apartment and then I almost didn't get home? No? Well, how about the time our dog shat explosively in our car during church and then your big brother saved our ass by driving me to the detailer while my husband drove our car with trash bags over the seat and then when it was all over and he drove us home my dog jumped out of the truck bed and sprained her ankle? This is how Ted and I met Jimmy, and we're friends now, and I'm still known at Hope as the greyhound girl. That's all I've got for now, unless I delve into the more serious stuff, most of which NEVER HAPPENED. Ha, ha. Denial is a girl's best friend.

2:23 PM  
Blogger jimmy said...

explosive shat.... she's not kiddin' dude, that shit was everywhere. Ted had to drive with his head kind of out the window. It was hilarious.

lee, that sucks about the kid's collarbone. I didn't know you and your wife were expecting! Congrats!!!

4:10 PM  

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