Ch-Ch-Changes and Christianity is the new F-word
Over the past few days I've been reflecting back on 2005 and this blog. It's been a sort of spiritual journey for me and this blog has been more of a platform for me to get things off my chest than to entertain others...and now I want to share my thoughts with you since you've pretty much stuck with me since I started this blog up.
To begin with, Linds and I are in the process of selling our home in Southern California and once that is finished we will fulfill a dream that we have shared since shortly after we got married; a move to Colorado and the beginning of our plan to have a family of our own.
The selling of our townhouse has been one of the most stress-inducing challenges that I have ever gone through and everyday seems to bring a new challenge in the process...My daily mantra to get through is simply a countdown of the days until we're done with the sale and on our way, followed by a deep, deep breath.
Lindsay and added a new family member to our little clan early in 2005, a little white puppy named Sugar that has become a 70 pound terror with a whip-like tail and teeth that don't quit...Flash in general is not amused, but they do get along like good dogs should.
I have decided that I am going to go to school after we move to Colorado, a career school to be exact. I'm considering one of two career paths at the moment, either a career in Radiography leading to Sonography or MRI...OR, a career in Ophthalmology. Either one is very exciting and rewarding with great opportunities, and both have an approximate time in school of 2 years...it'll be tough go to school and work part time, but it'll be worth it in the long run.
Writing in this blog has been a big deal for me, not just the writing though but also meeting new friends and getting connected with old friends...it's been a blessing.
On a more serious and personal note, 2005 was actually a pretty hard year for me, and since I tend to internalize my issues; I didn't really go into detail with some of the harder things that happened. I don't know if this is to my benefit or detriment that I haven't been forthcoming with my hardships but I just don't think that telling the world my problems is going to make them go away...or make me feel any better.
To be as brief as possible...Hard times fell both financially and spiritually at about mid-year of 2005 when a person, who I had thought was my friend, decided that he was going to drop the hammer and be an ultra-micro-managing boss instead of the friend, community leader and pastor that he had always passed himself off to be. It was hard for me on many levels to understand and be OK with how things went down, hard enough that I wept bitterly for hours and still think about it on a daily basis, but I am a stronger and wiser person from the experience.
It pains me to write this now because I know that my family members and close friends from years-past read this blog, but I am tired, weary, of trying to make sure that everybody else is OK with how I am and who I am; when I am not OK with how I am and who I have been pretending to be.
Over the past several years, my faith has been shaken, and this past years events that caused me to quit the ministry I was a part of; was no exception. In fact it may have been the bell's toll for any reserve of faith that I had in The Church.
In fact, at this point in my spiritual life I don't know that I can ever go back to living in the suffocating bubble that I have found Christianity to be.
In brief, I've lost my faith in Christianity. Thank God.
What was shaken in me over the past few years is probably summed up best by a question that my friend Dean asked recently on his blog... "Would Jesus be a Christian?"
Based on my perception alone, my response would be a firm "NO" but, I didn't respond to Deans question right away, maybe because I don't think I was ready to say what I really wanted to say; which was "Should I be a Christian?"
Christian, it implies a life of devotion to a set of moral and spiritual ideals, a service to God and Man with an inborn peace brought about by the very spirit of God.
Yet, I see a gang of fools led about by pride and guided by people with no more sense than a flock of geese, condemning like-minded people because of insignificant differences in opinion, all the while making a mockery of the peace of God; which they so-boldly proclaim lives in their hearts.
The Church was to be built upon a rock, to be the very followers of Christ.
Yet, today the Church is nothing more than a fancy looking building where Christians meet in a clubhouse type of atmosphere, a Sunday morning fashion show for the Faithful-Elite, a meeting place for spiritual-socialites to gather together for the purposes of Worshiping the Lord (See: Showmanship), Prayer for the less fortunate (See: Gossip) and Meditation on the Holy Scriptures (See: Thinking about what's for Lunch. See also: Sleeping)
And the Bible? What's that? It's like Poems and stuff right?
What is Christianity anymore? Really?
It certainly isn't what Christ intended for it to be. Christianity has become a religion unto itself, a club with required membership, lifelong member benefits such as life, death and fire insurance that will never expire as long as you show up on Sunday morning looking spiffy with a grin and a "God-Bless". Because of the judgmentality, aloof attitudes, infighting and general inability of "Christians" to be IN this world without damning it to hell on a daily basis, rather than just being OF this world; Christians are now seen as Bible-wielding maniacs; and the savior who's virtues they espouse so vehemently has been turned into no more than a mythical patriarch who lords over a group of social pariahs that excel in contradicting themselves on a daily and public stage.
It seems to me that over the course of time and due in large part to the actions and/or inactions of well-meaning-yet-not-too-bright "believers and followers", Christianity has become the new F-word; Socially Unacceptable.
I've lost my faith in Christianity, maybe now I can finally get down to knowing God.
To begin with, Linds and I are in the process of selling our home in Southern California and once that is finished we will fulfill a dream that we have shared since shortly after we got married; a move to Colorado and the beginning of our plan to have a family of our own.
The selling of our townhouse has been one of the most stress-inducing challenges that I have ever gone through and everyday seems to bring a new challenge in the process...My daily mantra to get through is simply a countdown of the days until we're done with the sale and on our way, followed by a deep, deep breath.
Lindsay and added a new family member to our little clan early in 2005, a little white puppy named Sugar that has become a 70 pound terror with a whip-like tail and teeth that don't quit...Flash in general is not amused, but they do get along like good dogs should.
I have decided that I am going to go to school after we move to Colorado, a career school to be exact. I'm considering one of two career paths at the moment, either a career in Radiography leading to Sonography or MRI...OR, a career in Ophthalmology. Either one is very exciting and rewarding with great opportunities, and both have an approximate time in school of 2 years...it'll be tough go to school and work part time, but it'll be worth it in the long run.
Writing in this blog has been a big deal for me, not just the writing though but also meeting new friends and getting connected with old friends...it's been a blessing.
On a more serious and personal note, 2005 was actually a pretty hard year for me, and since I tend to internalize my issues; I didn't really go into detail with some of the harder things that happened. I don't know if this is to my benefit or detriment that I haven't been forthcoming with my hardships but I just don't think that telling the world my problems is going to make them go away...or make me feel any better.
To be as brief as possible...Hard times fell both financially and spiritually at about mid-year of 2005 when a person, who I had thought was my friend, decided that he was going to drop the hammer and be an ultra-micro-managing boss instead of the friend, community leader and pastor that he had always passed himself off to be. It was hard for me on many levels to understand and be OK with how things went down, hard enough that I wept bitterly for hours and still think about it on a daily basis, but I am a stronger and wiser person from the experience.
It pains me to write this now because I know that my family members and close friends from years-past read this blog, but I am tired, weary, of trying to make sure that everybody else is OK with how I am and who I am; when I am not OK with how I am and who I have been pretending to be.
Over the past several years, my faith has been shaken, and this past years events that caused me to quit the ministry I was a part of; was no exception. In fact it may have been the bell's toll for any reserve of faith that I had in The Church.
In fact, at this point in my spiritual life I don't know that I can ever go back to living in the suffocating bubble that I have found Christianity to be.
In brief, I've lost my faith in Christianity. Thank God.
What was shaken in me over the past few years is probably summed up best by a question that my friend Dean asked recently on his blog... "Would Jesus be a Christian?"
Based on my perception alone, my response would be a firm "NO" but, I didn't respond to Deans question right away, maybe because I don't think I was ready to say what I really wanted to say; which was "Should I be a Christian?"
Christian, it implies a life of devotion to a set of moral and spiritual ideals, a service to God and Man with an inborn peace brought about by the very spirit of God.
Yet, I see a gang of fools led about by pride and guided by people with no more sense than a flock of geese, condemning like-minded people because of insignificant differences in opinion, all the while making a mockery of the peace of God; which they so-boldly proclaim lives in their hearts.
The Church was to be built upon a rock, to be the very followers of Christ.
Yet, today the Church is nothing more than a fancy looking building where Christians meet in a clubhouse type of atmosphere, a Sunday morning fashion show for the Faithful-Elite, a meeting place for spiritual-socialites to gather together for the purposes of Worshiping the Lord (See: Showmanship), Prayer for the less fortunate (See: Gossip) and Meditation on the Holy Scriptures (See: Thinking about what's for Lunch. See also: Sleeping)
And the Bible? What's that? It's like Poems and stuff right?
What is Christianity anymore? Really?
It certainly isn't what Christ intended for it to be. Christianity has become a religion unto itself, a club with required membership, lifelong member benefits such as life, death and fire insurance that will never expire as long as you show up on Sunday morning looking spiffy with a grin and a "God-Bless". Because of the judgmentality, aloof attitudes, infighting and general inability of "Christians" to be IN this world without damning it to hell on a daily basis, rather than just being OF this world; Christians are now seen as Bible-wielding maniacs; and the savior who's virtues they espouse so vehemently has been turned into no more than a mythical patriarch who lords over a group of social pariahs that excel in contradicting themselves on a daily and public stage.
It seems to me that over the course of time and due in large part to the actions and/or inactions of well-meaning-yet-not-too-bright "believers and followers", Christianity has become the new F-word; Socially Unacceptable.
I've lost my faith in Christianity, maybe now I can finally get down to knowing God.
posted by Benji at 8:58 AM
10 Comments:
Hey Ben--this is a senior high school student from Waco, Texas. I understand your disgust with what you designate "Christianity" as a whole--judgmentality, inability to cooperate, etc. This is a total perversion of what God intended the church to be. It is important for you to realize that what you are criticizing is not true Christianity. There still exist people who love the Lord with all their heart, soul, strength, and mind, and who love their neighbor as themselves, exhibiting Christ-like behavior in every aspect of their lives. These true Christians exist in vaster numbers than you think. They may seem hard to find because, unfortunately, the people who do not understand the true value of Scripture drown out their voices. However, if you seek them, you will find them.
And there is more to the Bible than you think--yes, some of it is poetry: the most perfect poetry ever written. The Bible contains God's perfect truth--if you want to know God, it is a good place to start.
Do not think I am trying to preach--I understand where you're coming from. I get fed up with the exact same things. I just want to serve as a reminder that the truth is still out there--you do not need to reject Christianity to find God.
Thank Anonymous, I agree with you that there are some truly very good people that are Christians, I'm related to many of the best, my point however is from my perception only and therfore, for me, is valid.
My point is simply this, whatever Christianity was meant to be, it is not, and that is a problem.
Also, I was being flippant about the Bible, but thanks.
Next time post your name too.
In response to "whatever Christianity was meant to be, it is not"...
Christianity is exactly what it was meant to be. Some people who profess themselves to be Christians are not exactly what they need to be. It is not that Christianity is at fault, humans are at fault.
You are a breath of fresh air, Ben. Thanks for this brilliant post.
Thank you Gina, you are always very encouraging, I appreciate it.
Jarred, thanks for what you said, this was a hard post for me because these are things that have been on my mind for a long time and I was hesitant to get it all out in the open...so, knowing that you understand means a lot to me. Thanks Brother.
Amen, Ben, Amen. I came to the same conclusion a while ago about Christianity. And it's driven home every time I hear a sermon about the church, instead of about Jesus.
I'm speechless, and would like to convey that I wish that only I could have spoken with such eloquence and blatent truth; ummmm, but you get the brownie points for that one my friend!!! Oh, and chris thinks so too.
How's this for crazy:
I am not a blog reader. But in a avoiding-work-moment I thought I best catch up with a friend who had wanted me to read his blog. I got distraced by some comments on Bono, and not sure which angle my friend was coming from (more interested in what the friend was trying to say theologically, than Bono himself), I followed a link or two to some other guy's blog...and got semi-irritated by some of what he had written, and then *really* irritated by most of the responding comments...with the exception of this one guy 'Ben' who seemed to be the only person with any grip theologically (and, being a PhD Theology sudent whose serious about her faith, I do mean orthodoxically theological). So I left a commet for him -- non-blog-interacter as I am. Then I saw the date...and thought, what the heck, this guy will never know I commented on his months-old comments, why not hit his link, and let him know I left a comment. And so I do. And read this honest entry. And then...blimey! (I've lived in the UK, so I can say that;) ) -- lo and behold, the first comment on the blog-entry has *GOT* to be my younger half-brother in TX.(how many teenagers with his name could possible live in Waco??) Just so you know how strange this is, 'now' is not only months later -- I live on the other side of the world, in France, and see G once every 2 years or so...with the occasional e-mail in-between (our family stinks at correspondance, enjoy each other as we do when together). So --
what does one do with that?
who knows
but it's *gotta* at least be commented on!!
(commented on to you...dunno if G has interacted further, I'll leave that between you guys.)
So do I add my two pennies?
dunno if any short comment on a blog will make a diff to anything you're thinking or feeling about...other than to affirm that there are actually a heck of a lot of folk out there who, precisely because of their Christian faith, would have answered those Bono-comments exactly the same as you. The problem is, at times it seems like those who are trying hard to live biblically (for all your responses were -- as you pointed out yourself -- the biblical, christ-like responses), rather than in a culturally-shackled manner, are too few and far between. But I disagree with the chap who says ditch the church, just 'you-and-God'...'cause that's exactly what Christ was trying to show that we couldn't do. All those Pharisees and Sadducees, etc, are floating around still, but the only way to slowly, bit by bit, change things, is to stick with it....try to love Her back to health. Cause 'man was not made to be alone' -- we need each other. And dang it's brutal sometimes -- right now all I can find where I live is what I can only describe as an 'Americanized Church' (not a complement in Europe!) But I am blessed to have a community of friends spread around the world who keep me sane, grounded, who pray for me and ask for prayers...and ask hard questions, and occasionally curse, and even throw in the towel, and yet can't forget that there are others out there going through the same thing. Some are pastors, some teachers, some full time parents, some electricians, accountants, farmers, actors, artists, etc. Check out:www.imagejournal.org/ and http://www.theotherjournal.com/ for an example of places where people are allowed (think of it: encouraged even!!) to think, and even hold different opinions. And yet who all cling to a triune God and refuse to completely give up on a limping broken Church. Many of my own dear fellow troupers are fellow alumni from a place called Regent College, in Vancouver BC. (http://www.regent-college.edu/about_regent/)
It's where one of Bono's favourite authors taught till retirement -- Eugene Peterson. (The guy who also did 'The Message' version of the Bible). It's not far from you guys in Colorado....maybe you should check out a summerschool class at some point. You'll find a place that loves questions -- the harder the better, that is not scared at all of doubt or difference, and that thrives on 'unity in diversity.'
OK, enough babble from a complete stranger...but having come across G's comment, I simply could not leave without adding my own!
Grace,
Kejj
(i'm hitting the anon button as I'm not sending from my own account, and don't want to post up someone else's info)
I loved your informed and clear assessment, seeking to be in service of the alive heart of your tradition. Not it's dead and lifeless 'cul-de-sacs'. Even as someone raised in the Hindu tradition, I can relate to the issues you raised.
Ben,
Came across your blog and wanted to share a couple of thoughts. Use to go to church weekly, but now just read and have fellowship whenever I come across believers who haven't judged me for my divorce and other things that have happened in my life these past couple of years. This I know to be true, once in Christ always in Christ and nothing will ever separate us from his love. 2nd, the church is nice but you are the church, not the people, building or judgemental,intolerable believers and your eternal future is not in the church but in Christ. I have had some bad experiences with "the church", think its been feminized and is not what Christ has intended it to be. Its the relationship with Christ thats key, not in the Church.
In his powerful grip
Jim
Post a Comment
<< Home