HOPE

Envy, Consumption and Moderation

I have a friend who is, by all accounts, rich.
Well, maybe not by all accounts, but, he is at least monetarily, very wealthy.

So what's wrong with that? Right?
Good for him, he's got money, maybe he earned it...Maybe making money comes to him naturally, is that not OK? Should I envy him his apparent wealth because he's got it and I don't?

To that point; why should I or anyone else feel sore against anyone for their money whether earned or gifted?
Nobody should, but we do.

Envy is a hard thing to get around; it can eat at your insides like a tapeworm, stealing your strength of will or your desire to do well; just for the sake of doing well.
Envy shades your vision on certain issues where you may need your vision to be completely unobstructed so that you can view clearly-the world around you and those that affect you most.

You've heard of Beer-Goggles right? You're hanging out with your friends late one night on the town and you've had one too many Pabst Blue Ribbons. Your "vision" and judgment are now impaired to the point that you're on the dance floor with a prize winning pie-eater who vaguely resembles a toad(not that there's anything wrong with that)...Beer-Goggles firmly in place; your standards hit rock bottom and you're left with little of the convictions that you'd held onto so dearly earlier that very day.

Envy has goggles too.

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My friend seems to be very good at making a great deal of money with apparently little "real-effort" (Keep in mind that when I say "real-effort" I'm talking about busting a sweat and being uncomfortable because you're working so hard) and with his apparent wealth my friend seems hell-bent on buying everything that money can buy...Mansion, Hummer, matching BMWs for he and the trophy-wife(bitch) and multiple vacations per year to exclusive island getaways that would make MTV royalty drool and pout...

Understand me, I love my friend, he's one of the people I relate to best on a personal level and he's been my friend for almost a decade.
But, now, every time I hear his name or hear his voice or see a picture of him or even think about him - three words come to mind; consume, consume and consume...and that bums me out.

Is this my issue? Is there something wrong with me that I have a hard time being ok with my friend completely changing his life because he's making more money than most people I know?

On Consumption as a lifestyle, let me ask a better question; If you have money to burn, should you?

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I'm sure that you've heard the old saying; "Everything in moderation" ?

Does this mean that we should moderate How Much, How Hard, How Often; We Work, Love, Eat, Drink, Sleep, Wake, Breathe, Learn, Live?

OR, should moderation only apply to the things that we do DO but shouldn't-all the time? Like; Hate, Hurt, Fight, Lie, Steal, Argue, Alcohol, Drugs, Food, Sex?

So, good job.
Now you are Glassy-eyed, Starving, Dull, Retarded from lack of contact with the things that make you YOU and over all you are just a BORE to be with.
Tony Robbins you ain't.

I say, Self-Govern.
Self Governing as opposed to Self-Moderation as a better lifestyle choice.
Moderate your Moderations.
Control your appetites with an iron-will born of education and a desire to Do and Be Well.

Curb your appetite for those things that entrap you so easily, ask for help on this, self-governing is possible but made easier with assistance.

Over all, understand this; All Things in Moderation, Especially Moderation.

Be you; just don't let it kill you, that's the point, isn't it?

Molehills and Mountains

Me and Mrs. Donaghy on top of a volcano in Hawaii on our honeymoon at sunrise.

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Have you ever been in the middle of doing something, let's say a project, and you suddenly realized that you may not have been doing it correctly and you had to go back and correct all the mistakes you'd made along the way?
I have, recently.

My wife and I have an amazing friendship, we have shared this same connection and love of being together since our first date on March 3rd 2000...I believe it's because of our great friendship that we don't fight a lot...I mean to say, not very often.

My wife and I joined the softball team of our church, neither of us are very athletic and we figured this would be fun a good way to make a better connection with each other and with our church community...best intentions of mice and men.

At our second practice with the team I noticed that my wife was not looking especially enthusiastic about running around and chasing after errant softballs...
So, I, the dork, who doesn't know anything about softball, decided to "encourage" my wife to "do better"...thinking that this "encouragement" would be welcomed and that she would all of a sudden feel more enthusiastic about running around and playing a sport that neither of us was really any good at in the first place...I was terribly, terribly wrong.

My wife took my attempted "encouragement" as me badgering her and pushing her and basically just being a jerk to her...I of course couldn't see that angle at all, for obvious reasons, I am a man, typically, my mind was on a rail.

My wife was upset for the rest of the practice and I was flabbergasted by her being upset at all, and so, we did not speak to each other for the whole car ride home as well as the rest of the afternoon...I assumed that she was just pissed about not being very comfortable playing the game and so I thought that a few hours of us being apart would do the trick and then things would be fine and she would come back and be all happy and loving...again, I was terribly, terribly wrong.

Later that evening my wife and I sat down on the couch, not looking at each other, not talking, just sitting and watching Seinfeld...until she turned to me and basically unloaded on me.

I will now point out all of the things that I did wrong over the course of our conversation...

1. When my wife said that my "encouragement" was not helpful and made her feel worse; I went on the offensive and said something incredibly dumb..."I was just trying to make you more confident by throwing the softball to you harder and faster" When I should have said, "I'm sorry, I guess I don't know much about softball either, I should have been paying more attention to how you were feeling about the whole thing." = I am retarded.

2. When my wife said that she was thinking about quitting the softball team because she "sucked"; I said "Maybe you should talk to the coach about quitting" Dumbass - If I had taken the stick out of my butt I would've said, "Honey, don't quit, you don't suck, you're awesome; I'll help you in any way I can, just don't quit, I want you to play with me on the team."

3. Over all, I blew this one, my attitude had gotten in the way of my wife and I making some real headway in communication with one another...damn me.

After we went toe-to-toe for a few hours; I realized that I WAS THE PROBLEM, she hadn't been upset about anything until I made it an issue, I apologized for being such an ass and not being genuinely encouraging and than we made up and made out.

The next day we went to the store and bought my wife a brand new softball glove and a brand new softball, we went to the park and tossed the ball back and forth and talked about everything and nothing for about an hour...it's all good.

Now, I don't share info about our private life so that you can see that I'm a jerk and my wife is an angel but rather so that those who want to know - Can Know - Marriage takes work, it is worth the effort, you are not always right, you are often wrong, and arguing can be educational and healing IF you want it to be...otherwise you are doomed.

Softball was of course, not the issue, the issue could have been anything, anything at all...the lesson was of course; Communication - and not just Communication but Understanding.

Be kind to one another, we're all we've got.

Dumb as a Rock and Dying for Attention

An excerpt from www.cnn.com
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"NORTH FORT MYERS, Florida (AP)
-- A woman fell to her death while trying to do a handstand on the railing of a second-floor hotel balcony, sheriff's officials said.
Molly Jerman, 23, of Cape Coral died Sunday.
While attempting a handstand, she toppled over and dropped to the hotel patio, according to the Lee County sheriff's department.
Just before she fell, she had called out to a friend, "Watch to see what I can still do," a police report said.
Foul play is not believed to be involved, officials said."
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23 year old Molly Jerman called out to her friend "Watch to see what I can still do" before attempting a handstand on a handrail that couldn't have been any wider than a few inches; then plunged to her death...For what? Some attention? A few minutes of blissful recognition for, what? Anything? Certainly not validation, friendship? It sounds like she already had friends; one of which heard the cry for attention and then stood by and watched Molly Jerman (essentially) commit suicide.

Don't misunderstand me, I'm not blaming Molly's friends' inaction for Molly's death. Rather; I'm simply pointing out that (IMHO) there's a certain level of "H0-Hum" that seems to be embedded in our reactivity to the world around us.

Let me explain...

Even though I was born in the late '70s and didn't really know what was going on until the early-'90s; I can look back now and see how much things have changed.
The way we relate to each other, our family members, strangers, men and women, the breakdown of communication as friendly banter turned to negotiation in a business atmosphere.

Single men don't ask single women out for a date while working in a professional workplace for fear of being sued for harassment...If a man has good fashion sense, a nice hair cut, smells nice, is polite and use words like "Please" and Thank You"; He must be gay...If a woman can bench her weight, curses like a sailor and wears kahkis; she must be a lesbian...Women, in general, believe that all men are swine, lazy, stupid-good for nothing - UNLESS - They are wildly rich...Men, in general, believe that all women are money-hungry-bitches with unrealistic demands - UNLESS - They are super models with an incredible rack...Children do not confide in their parents for fear of being controlled and punished unjustly...Parents do not scold their children for fear of being reported to child protective services or be viewed as an ogre or un-cool by their kids...Husbands and wives don't talk about their wants and needs as married couples until it's too late and no amount of talk will fix the leaks in the relation-ship. etc. etc. etc.

...And so the suffering continues down the line, Father to Son, Mother to Daughter, Husband to Wife, Stranger to Stranger until we are afraid to speak to one another for fear of offending another person with our opinion on Coke VS Pepsi.

We watch endless hours of "Reality" TV and we root for the type-cast "good guy" and hope beyond hope that he or she will be able to eat just enough roaches or drive a sports car off of a rooftop just fast enough to jump through the flaming hoop...We ponder whether the Bachelorette will make the right choice and dump the stalking wanna-be from Timbucktu or keep the hunky Fireman from San Diego...We are shocked when the latest hollywood royalty couple breaks up because one wants to have a baby and the other wants to have a stripper...We envy the rich and famous for their rich and famous lifestyles and their insanely expensive choices in home decor...We read magazines that do nothing more than make us feel like we need to lose half of our body weight and have ripped-abs in order to even consider being accepted by a person of the opposite sex...We are convinced that we look terrible in in our underwear because we only have Victoria's Secret and Abercrombie & Fitch models to compare ourselves to and since nobody will stop and out of selflessness say "Damn, you look good today!" we'd never know it...We have to have the newest, fastest, most incredible and most award receiving SUV in order to fit in with the rest of the neighborhood...We have to have the biggest TV ON THE PLANET - otherwise people might wonder if we have any money at all...

And, getting back to the point, we are in so much of a need to have a connection with another person that we'll drink too much to "get the feeling", smoke cigarettes "only when we drink", experiment with illegal drugs, steal and lie.

We are so hurting for attention that we will do a handstand on the handrail of a hotel balcony to get that human connection that we are so desperately searching for...it doesn't even matter who we're getting the attention from.

We need attention so badly that we're killing ourselves to get it.

Words Of Value for Confused People

Albert Einstein said "Science without religion is lame; religion without science is blind."

Atheists object to the use of this quote, since Einstein might best be described as an agnostic. Einstein himself stated quite clearly that he did not believe in a personal God: "It was, of course, a lie what you read about my religious convictions, a lie which is being systematically repeated. I do not believe in a personal God and I have never denied this but have expressed it clearly."

So, the quick answer to the question is that Einstein did not believe in a personal God.

It is however, interesting how he arrived at that conclusion. In developing the theory of relativity, Einstein realized that the equations led to the conclusion that the universe had a beginning. He didn't like the idea of a beginning, because he thought one would have to conclude that the universe was created by God.

So, he added a cosmological constant to the equation to attempt to get rid of the beginning.
He said this was one of the worst mistakes of his life.

Of course, the results of Edwin Hubble confirmed that the universe was expanding and had a beginning at some point in the past.
So, Einstein became a deist - a believer in an impersonal creator God: "I believe in Spinoza's God who reveals himself in the orderly harmony of what exists, not in a God who concerns himself with fates and actions of human beings."

It is the second part of the quote that reveals the reason Einstein rejected the existence of a personal God.
Einstein compared the remarkable design and order of the cosmos and could not reconcile those characteristics with the evil and suffering he found in human existence.
How could an all-powerful God allow the suffering that exists on earth?

Einstein's failure to understand the motives of God are the result of his incorrect assumption that God intended this universe as His ultimate perfect creation. Einstein could not get past the moral problems that are present in our universe. He assumed, as most atheists do, that a personal God would only create a universe which is both good morally and perfect physically.

However, according to Christianity, the purpose of the universe is not to be morally or physically perfect, but to provide a place where spiritual creatures can choose to love or reject God - to live with Him forever in a new, perfect universe, or reject Him and live apart from Him for eternity. It would not be possible to make this choice in a universe in which all moral choices are restricted to only good choices.
Einstein didn't seem to understand that one could not choose between good and bad if bad did not exist. It's amazing that such a brilliant man could not understand such a simple logical principle.

These days, those who fail to understand the purpose of evil not only reject the concept of a personal God, but also reject the concept of God's existence altogether. If you are an agnostic or atheist, my goal for you would be to recognize what Albert Einstein understood about the universe - that its amazing design demands the existence of a creator God.
Then, go beyond Einstein's faulty understanding of the purpose of the universe and consider the Christian explanation for the purpose of human life and why evil must exist in this world.

Stripping + Career = $$$?

An excerpt from www.usatoday.com

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"SAN FRANCISCO (AP) — School officials in Palo Alto are reconsidering their use of a popular speaker for an annual career day after he advised middle school students that they could earn a good living as strip dancers.
William Fried told eighth-graders at Jane Lathrop Stanford Middle School that stripping and exotic dancing could be lucrative career moves for girls, offering as much as $250,000 or more per year, depending on their bust size.
"It's sick, but it's true," Fried, president of Foster City's Precision Selling, a management consulting firm, told The Associated Press. "The truth of the matter is you can earn a tremendous amount of money as an exotic dancer, if that's your desire."
The school has asked Fried to give his 55-minute presentation, "The Secret of a Happy Life," for the past three years.
A tip sheet he distributes to students includes a list of 140 potential careers and areas of interest they can consider pursuing. Along with professions as accounting and nursing, the list offers such nontraditional suggestions as exotic dancing, stripping and acting as a spiritual medium.
He counsels students to experiment with a variety of interests until they discover their "life's purpose," something they love and excel in. The presentation and handout have been praised by students, school principal Joseph Di Salvo and others said.
Fried's presentation "helped me realize that my career choice should not be influenced by money," one student wrote in a thank-you letter. "It should be influenced by what we like and are good at."
But on Tuesday, some students asked Fried to expand on why he included "exotic dancing" on the list.
Fried spent about a minute answering questions, defining strippers and exotic dancers synonymously. He told students, "For every two inches up there, you should get another $50,000 on your salary," student Jason Garcia, 14, said.
"A couple of students egged him and he took it hook, line and sinker," said Di Salvo, who also said the students took advantage of a substitute teacher overseeing the session.
Di Salvo heard about the exchange when the mother of a student called him the next morning. She said she was outraged when her son announced that he was forgoing college for a career in a field he truly loves — fishing — and said she found Fried's handout even more disconcerting.
Di Salvo, who has since heard from another parent, said Fried's overall presentation is a positive one. The mention of exotic dancing and Fried's off-the-cuff remarks, however, have prompted him to consider barring the speaker from next year's career day.
The principal said he would send letters of apology home with students.
"It's totally inappropriate," Di Salvo said. "It's not OK by me. I would want my presenters to kind of understand that coming into a career day for eighth-graders."
School board member Mandy Lowell didn't expect Fried's comment to cause lasting damage but said the speaker didn't adhere to the message of achievement the district is trying to promote.
"I don't think that your natural or implant-inflated bust size is what our schools aim to nurture," she said. "My aspiration is not to have children in this district become exotic dancers."
District superintendent Mary Frances Callan did not immediately return two telephone calls seeking comment.
Despite the uproar, many students said Fried was the most inspiring speaker in a lineup that included a pilot, an attorney, a classical pianist and a journalist.
"He really focused on finding what you really love to do," said Mariah Cannon, 13.
Cannon also said she wouldn't want exotic dancing taken off Fried's list. Although parents might find it hard to hear, it's a legitimate career choice, she said.
Student Tom Marks, 13, said he found some of Fried's comments "weird and unnecessary" but still thinks he should return next year.
"I don't think he should have gone into all the details," he said. "I just got upset that he talked about it so much."
Fried, 64, said he does not think he offended anyone.
"Eighth-grade kids are not dumb," he said. "They are pretty worldly.""

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Where are the career advisors that encourage careers such as Highly-Paid Assassins? Crime bosses? Drug dealers? or maybe even Pimps? - Any of these jobs would be somewhat glamorous and desired comparably...right?

And yet, I digress.

Now, I have nothing against any woman choosing to use what she's got to further her self and her "net-worth", the thing is; I don't think that I'd like a career advisor to be hired by a local school to come in and encourage my kids (If I had any) to strip for a living...that having been said; I'm sure that my offspring will make their own dumb-ass decisions without much encouragement from any outside sources, so let's not stir the pot unnecessarily.
OK?

Space, Time and Little Green Men

A few questions were posed recently that I had the time to respond to and I thought I'd paste the blather here as well...

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1. big bang -- are we ever expanding -- or are we gonna retract?
2. edge of universe...what are we expanding into?
3. notion of eternity
4. planets -- how many earth-like planets are out there, etc.?
5. aliens...and why would they want to hang around primitive us?
6. parellel universes

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Here's my thoughts on the questions posed...
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1. According to some Nobel prize winning research and conjecture by a couple of guys (who I can't remember the names of) the universe has been "expanding" outwardly from a single point for a measurable amount of time...big bang say you...creation on an unimaginable scale say I.

2. Look at it this way...before the universe began its expansion at the beginning of "time"; there WAS NO universe to expand into...meaning that the universe did not exist until it existed! On that same token, albeit on a much larger scale, the universe has continued to expand and "exist" until now and will continue to "expand" and "exist" for all of "time" - Keep in mind that Expand, Exist and Time are all relative terms that are extremely simple-minded terminologies that we've used to describe the indescribable. So, the short answer to the question is: We Are Expanding into Nothing! Wrap your mind around that one for a few hours;)

3. Rather than trying to determine if eternity is reality; determine first if YOU are an eternal being...not your flesh and blood of course, we know that your atoms will eventually stop being you and will become something else - so, wait, that means that you ARE eternal at an infinitesimally small degree...but on we go. Did your soul exist before you were born? If so, that would mean that your soul had no beginning rather just a starting point at which time your soul came to BE you. Now, if something has no beginning than logically it would have no end and would thus be eternal, right? I believe in eternity, whether in some ethereal afterlife or in some altered state that is so far beyond our own reckoning that we haven't begun to imagine it...I believe in it, belief in the eternal, lets call it faith in the unknown, unseen and as of yet unimagined.

4. Earth-like, meaning capable of sustaining human life? Not even the greatest scientists of our time can say without any doubt that there are planets exactly like Earth in every way...Earth is so special and so delicate that it is an unbelievably huge accomplishment for this planet to have turned out the way that it did; especially in regard to this planet being able to sustain not just human life but all of the minutiae forms of life that walk, crawl and squirm under the sun and surf. Short answer, who knows? And - Wouldn't that be cool?

5. Aliens? Maybe...but not the way that we imagine them...with human-like bodies, enlarged heads and uncanny intelligence. More than likely if we were ever to bump into an "Alien" from "Outer Space"; the Alien would probably be in the form of an unknown biological matter or some form of unknown germ or protein...certainly not anything that closely resembles a small child with bug-eyes. As for UFOs, ask the Air Force.

6. Sure, more than likely there are a Trillion-Billion-Million of them exactly like our own universe. Except for the fact that they are so incredibly far away that we could never actually explore them to confirm this thought - certainly this seems entirely possible given the scope of our ever "expanding" universe.
There you have it:)

Bad behavior in the common man & The abuse of grace as a lifestyle.

So, I work in a customer service oriented job, (what kind of job isn't customer service huh?) and I swear that I must deal with some of the dumbest people on the planet; no exaggeration.
In my particular position of service people call me up and request account information...the most common and dumbest thing that people seem to do is blurt out information that is neither helpful nor prudent...example: Phone rings, I pick up and say hello and "What is your account number?" member says "My password is zippitydoodah, my DOB is 01/02/03 and the last 4 of my SSN is 3333"...Now, why, on Gods green earth, would you blurt out personal information without first establishing that you're talking to the person you want to be talking to and have reached the appropriate department or location? I figure if someone is dumb enough to give out info that hasn't been requested than it's pretty much a guarantee that these same people survive by the grace of other more intelligent people...you know that saying: "And there by the grace of God, go I" ? Well, that's the only way that I can imagine that some people have lived as long as they have...by the grace of GOD!
On the same token...The guy that cut you off in his sports car this morning on your way to work (bastard), the woman with too many rowdy and uncontrolled kids in the supermarket that grabbed the last carton of eggs as you were reaching for it(birth control), the boss that decided that you aren't a team player and are not worth the raise that every one else got even though you've been with the company the longest(napoleon complex) and your brother that left home way too young to chase his dreams of being a drugged out loner that lived under bridges and dreamt of being a multi-millionare without any actual "real-world" experience(sad)...all of these people milling about and bumping into each other on this ball of dirt, they must be here for something, though they may never recognize it, even so, they will continue to make poor decisions and stab others in the Achilles heel without necessarilly trying...they're all under the same umbrella of grace as me even if they don't get it...(Damn it.)

You see, I believe in Gods grace, I believe it's worth believing in because I've felt its effects...BUT...if some moron is soaking up all the grace because they're too dumb to get in out of the rain and put some shoes on when they're walking through rusty nails then GOD HELP US ALL and save us from the people you've deemed worthy of your grace!

Is it possible to take advantage of Gods grace?

I suppose some people might equate grace with salvation and in so doing might say "Once saved, always saved"...I don't know if I believe that but it sure sounds nice...sounds nice, but not very realistic, to me anyway. But is Gods grace realistic? Not "Is God real?" but is Gods grace and do Gods actions of grace speak of realistic-ness - real-ISM in the everyday senses of my made up words?
I don't think so, I think God moves and works on a decidedly un-realistic level...are you shocked? Hiding from lightning?...let me explain what I mean...
God (three in one) in his/their infinite wisdom created beings in his/their own image to multiply and supplant the earth and to have communion with God...seems pretty unreal already...to continue...man rebelled against a simple command that was not altogether un-realistic in its simplicity; "Do not eat of that tree." JUST DON'T DO IT, DON'T! How much more simple and realistic could a request be?
But, they did, they ate, they saw, they got booted from the perfect garden home and an eternal physical life...(thus down through the ages men and women age to an average of 75 to 80 years and no more)...So man is already particularly NOT GOOD at following practical and realistic instructions...
So, God's grace, is it realistic? And do we take advantage of it?

Let's look at it a different way to search for a possible answer...You are a young teenager, an only child, the icing on your parents cake and the apple of your fathers eye...you're not spoiled but you know that you've got certain advantages that you didn't necessarily earn...you want to go to the mall or the movies, go on a date with the lead singer of DEATHRAT! or get a sports car that you cannot afford on your part time job wages working at the Hello Kitty store in the strip mall...you beg and plead and moan and groan until your daddy either gives you what you want or gives up on you completely...after all, why shouldn't you have everything your heart desires? You are the apple of your fathers eye, are you not?...and because you know of the advantages that can be gained because of your particularly lofty status with your daddy; why shouldn't be able to make any poorly judged, not thought through, bad decision that you want to?
So you got the Porsche, you dated the tattooed and pierced death metal singer, you saw all the movies, bought all the toys and snorted every friggin powder you could get your hands on - and why not? Daddy loved you and wouldn't say no if you begged him enough to have your way whether or not it was good for you...so, you're washed up now, congratulations, you got everything you wanted with no consequences...but does daddy still love you after all that you've done? Yes. Is he disappointed in the decisions you've made? Probably, but you would never know it because he's always loved you with the same intensity and fervor...
So, did you take advantage of daddys love? Was his love realistic in the first place or did it place too many demands on you? Were you required to join a club or recite a mantra in order to take advantage of his love? When you'd blown it and came back bruised and bleeding from all the mistakes you'd made did daddy require you to say his name and birthdate until you were blue in the face?
No. That's all. Simple. Just no.

You weren't required to DO anything...the only thing that was required of you was to BE. Not BE GOOD or BE NICE or BE THE BEST...The only qualification that was necessary for you to have earned his love was that you were his child.

So there it is, the explanation that you've been waiting for all your life to explain Gods grace and in effect his love...Now, if you could just wrap your head around the idea that Jesus was/is Gods grace in the flesh/spirit...but we'll save that for another day.
Final thought...Is Gods grace/love some kind of chainlink band-aid that he uses to cover up our bad decisions and the wounds they inflict? - OR - Is it an inescapable foundation that we don't recognize as necessary until we've seemingly used up all of our "Get out of jail free" cards and need "Daddy" to bail us out?

And...can we...do we...are we, taking advantage of Gods grace, unnecessarily?

NOT POSSIBLE.

As hard as we may try and as bad as we believe we have been, will be and have become; Gods grace will never be something that we could abuse...
Put simply: Because we can not earn it; we can not spend it.